My school and I met back when I was a junior in high school. Driving to it with my mom I nearly had a panic attack because I somehow knew that was where I was going to go to school. As we drove onto campus later that night we were greeted by the football stadium lights. I fell for it instantly and hard.
I kept it casual with my future school until I got there. I would visit it a few times here and there. I told it how I felt, I loved it. It got scared. It scared me.
I have officially been in a relationship with my school for the past year and a half. It has developed into one of those relationships that I know we don’t have a future together. I mean sure, it’s great, treats me right, it’s nice but I need that relationship of passion, fireworks, and can actually drop the ‘L’ word without feeling it was just faked.
We tried the long distance thing over the summer and during breaks. Sure we would exchange emails here in there just to keep in contact and the relationship steady. Normally time away makes the heart grow fonder but I would try to forget about it until the day before I went back and I would have my melt down. I would never admit that to my school. It just wouldn’t understand.
The cheating started from the beginning. It first started off small and innocent. I would wear the other school’s apparel to my school. My school never really gave it any thought or asked any questions. Then the other cheating started. When I got home, I almost instantly went to the other school. I would never wear my school’s apparel at this school. It was like I was keeping it a secret. A secret relationship I was afraid to share with the world, especially the other school.
I’ve tried breaking it off with my school but I was sadly rejected from the other school. After my rejection I thought I would give my school another shot. It promised me it would change and make me feel loved like how I felt at the other school. It really wants to make things work. I’ve told my school many times, ‘it’s not you, it’s me’. It understands and is willing to let me go because it wants to see me happy. I know other people love my school and will treat it right. It’s just not fair if neither of us know at the end of the day that it will not work.
Who knows what the rest of the semester will bring. I have options and have made moves. Maybe my relationship will continue with my school and the cheating will continue. Maybe we can finally make it work with what we have. Maybe I will finally be set free to go somewhere else. I just know that I was too young when I fell in love with my school.